“So like, What’s your sexuality? What ARE you?”
Every label whether it is sexually orientated or otherwise comes with it’s own set of confusion, doubt, and burden.
In the sexual realm the perceived finality of a label comes heavy and early; bludgeoned with it from day one, it is incredibly scarring to the self. Sexuality, like our personalities is ever fluctuating. It isn’t as easy as saying, this is my race, this is where I was born, I am a human being.
“I am a tree I will always be a tree”
These aren’t labels. Labels are disposable, they peel over time; and furthermore really aren’t very necessary at all.
When we were children; our favourite show may have been Transformers or perhaps Ducktales but as we age our exposure and tastes change. You wouldn’t expect someone to have the same food, pop culture or moral preferences as they did when they were six; so why expect sexuality to be solidified by puberty or even before hand.
For most it isn’t as simple as admitting yes I am straight, yes I am gay, yes I am bisexual” but in the mainstream western culture we are given no further options. From birth our gender is questioned almost immediately upon meeting others
“Awe so….. Beautiful? Handsome???” (quick tell me the gender of your baby so my binary mind can comprehend what kind of adorable it is)
As adults being conditioned with this type of behaviour our whole life we become confused at the so called anarchy when we cannot put sexuality, gender and preference in to the labeled boxes that we have deemed “Understandable” and even worse “Acceptable”.
Sexuality is so incredibly multifaceted that I cannot even cover my short life’s observations, but I’ll give you just the tip (of the iceberg pervert)
Common ludicrous believe #1: If you state a preference it’s done, it’s set in stone. If you state otherwise later in life you were/are totally lying to yourself; and were just going through a wild stage.
This is bullshit. I believe our sexuality comes from a variant of places: environment, genetics, human curiosity.
Where it should not be driven from but often falsely does is cultural shame. This being the bad kind of environmental denudation; where we are judged and made to become prematurely definite; instead of being held and comforted by it. This isn’t culture at all. It’s as I said earlier; bullshit.
From a personal stand point; I have always found women beautiful, I have always found men beautiful. I have always known that I would have at some point interest on some level in both. There have been times in my life where I have sworn off men “forever”.
Promptly gone straight to a Woman and it’s been great until…… wait a minute! She’s crazy; I’m swearing off Women!
This is emotional, environmental and common among flighty Pansexuals; not the best course of action but it’s a learning experience that comes with its merits eventually. Yes PANsexual; meaning “all” in Latin; imagining beyond the conceptualization that gender is concrete absolute binary; IE BIsexual (which is cool too).
Through out times in my life I have pondered deeply my sexuality. Almost franticly searching for an answer to the question I was so often asked. Was i was bisexual, totally straight, or a lesbian; All of which at some point or another I was 99% certain I was/wasn’t.
This is confusing to say the least.
I have recently been spearheading this dilemma and have come to the most simple of answers. Yes i fluctuate in preference; mostly because I have felt for so long that I need to actually have one; that I need to conform to something…. anything!
The fear of coming across as false or not being accepted by my peers has been greater than the actual search for preference; to which the answer has been there all along. YES I have a type, yes sometimes I do things with that type; but that type can come in a variant of flavours, shapes and GENDERS; and I refuse to restrict or push anymore than I already have.
And really? Who cares?! If you’re interested in someone it should be as easy as this
Person#1 “Hello I am interested in kissing you”
Person#2 “Hmm, well okay I too am interested in that”
Person#1 “Hello I am interested in kissing you”
Person#2 “Oh thats flattering, but I am not wanting to kiss you; thank you though”
*fist bump time*
I am in total love, body, mind and soul with a Man; does that make me straight? Sure doesn’t. Do I need to constantly prove that by objectifying Women to prove a point. Nope.
Common ludicrous believe #2: Sex equals a cock and a pussy smooshing together. Done. Thats sex, Anything else is a sub genre if sex at all. Some people go as far as saying that lesbians don’t actually have “real sex” at all because there isn’t a penis involved.
(a fact I am sure they and their many orgasms will be horribly disheartened by)
Gay men can have GAY sex; but it’s still gay man sex (not just sex).
So men all over the world are granted the coveted prostate gland, yet never get to experience it’s magical powers because a Woman pleasuring them in that way is “totally gay”.
Let me say that again;
“When a women pleasures me (in the -hehehe- butt) it makes me feel gay”
Do you really feel gay Mandude? Or do you feel vulnerable and wide open (pun intended). How the fuck is a Biological Woman pleasuring a Biological Man in anyway gay? Evaluate that Mandude. Think real hard. (Pun intended once again)
Common Ludicrous Believe #3 (this ones a little less so but still): Bi/Pansexuals, Transgender, and Asexuals do NOT exist. This is a transitionary phase and will pass shortly when you’re:
A: Done with being a attention seeking indecisive greedy SLUT (this ones for you Bi/Pansexuals; better pick a gender preference soon else your scarlet letter be forever branded)
B: Done with the dramatic theatrics and ready to accept the gender and sexuality that was assigned to you by your doctor at birth. (Come Transfolk, hurry up already)
C: Ready to stop being a quitter and really look for someone that gets you all hot and heavy. (Asexual? So you mean you only are attracted to people who’s name starts with A?)
Imagine spending a good portion of time getting the courage to come out as any of these examples; and then be told you “Don’t Exist”. Essentially that your sexual/gender preference is equal to the Easter Bunny or Big Foot.
We are sexual creatures; it is beyond the language of words and no one should ever have to justify consensual practice, or life choices. We are not defined by our words we are defined by our actions; lets pave the way and not think otherwise.
Honour the Divine Feminine and Sacred Masculine in yourselves and in others; they exist in both.
These answers are simple; their collective execution a little less so. The result is more than worth it and I’m excited to work on this path of cultural regrowth.